Tartessus (A Servant’s Dream)

Nineveh I do know: victory’s stage

A plan where the timid will never age

But if Nineveh’s for me, I know not

Would You speak, my Master, of my life’s lot?

 

‘Tis not for me to speak, O Faithful One

For I am but a servant, though a son,

A lowly sight, a bedraggled spirit

A mongrel hungry for the ground’s profit

 

But for a word, my worthless head I bow

Say I with respect thicker than a vow

For a line, will my callused knees suffice?

I tremble for Your mercy, I can’t rise

 

For the word is Tarshish, a childhood dream,

With its mild climate, fertile land and stream;

The line’s a taste of opportunity—

A foolish man’s key to serenity

 

I beheld not yet I heard of the land

Oranges, olives nursed by my warm hand

Then, by sugarcanes, earn nickel sugar

By blood, extend blood for those who suffer

 

Today’s Tartessus—beckoning splendor!

Master, forbid the stray of my ardor

Just a need of a want, want in a need

For mouth and heart, not for ne’er-ending’s seed

 

For I’m water oft troubled yet flowing

By Your grace, through the banks of Your seeing;

A constant target of walls crashing down,

Of piercing eyes from mountains of renown

 

Tarshish—just a dream, not a rebellion

Modest wants clustered as a battalion

Uprising’s from my lawless man of old

But with my now-passions, to You I’m sold

 

Can I just go to Tarshish first, Master?

Is Assyria’s time a “thereafter”?

Oh please forgive my yearnings, my Lord

You’re still You, lovingly true—word-for-word

 

After lines upon lines, Your will be done

But please tell Your servant, Your trying son

For if Nineveh is not my calling,

To Tartessus I should be soon sailing…

Gloria Resign?!

We want a perfect government.

That’s too obvious. We kick our president’s fanny off his or her throne because of some scandal, some faulty actions and some treasury holes. Then we support another rising political star and pin him or her to presidency. Then after some good enough years, we discover something fishy and decide to take the crown off him or her, too.

I’ve got a question for you: HOW CAN YOU EXPECT AN IMPERFECT MAN TO CREATE A PERFECT GOVERNMENT?

Yeah, give me an election stage right now and I might haul Miriam Defensor-Santiago to the palace! But–hey–even Miriam can lie about jumpin’ off the plane without a parachute! Who are we going to vote as president? The I-am-Vice-President Loren Legarda? The bright Chiz Escudero? I guarantee you: You’ll always find mistakes in them or in any other person you’ll place in that position.

Why? It’s a two-way street. At one point, humankind is so fond of “tsismis” or what my former colleagues call as “cheezums”. We always want to dig the mistakes of others and, albeit with a malicious heart, wear a mask of humility with a slogan in the forehead that says: I just want the truth to come out. Oh foolish man! You think that the heavens smile down on you for your bravery?! Don’t you have your own mistakes waiting to come out in the open? Don’t you have a speck in your eye? Check first from the inner canthus going out! Jesus told the crowd who were waiting to stone an adulterous woman to stone the woman if they haven’t sinned at all. Was there a boulder flying? Not a pebble, baby. Coming from the opposite direction, the politicians may be bright, rich and *sigh* bred with good moral values but they’re human! And they’ll be placed in a position where it’s either you’ll take some or be forced to take some. Why? My goodness! You should know! We’re of corrupted and of corruptible seed!

A student once asked me, “Sir, why does man, though he tries to be as good as he can, always sin?”

I can tell you two true-to-life stories. First, man was created perfect. No sin, no guile, no illness, no poverty, doesn’t have to work, doesn’t have to worry and mama need not labor to give birth to the cutie yet silly you. Perfect. Not destined to go to hell. Second, a worship leader in heaven named Lucifer got all puffed up. Maybe his wings got “pimped up”. He got lotsa stocks of pride so the Lord God threw him out. The handsome singer-turned-scheming evil was then and until now destined to be punished in the lake of fire. Now let’s join the two stories as it happened. Your guy, Luci,could have thought that, “hey–if I’m going to the lake of fire, why not take the humans along?” or “would it be okay for me to go all alone with my demons to eternal punishment and leave man enjoying his blessings?” Surely his answer was: No way. So he tempted my fair lady, Eve, to disobey God and eat of the forbidden fruit. And SURPRISE!!! Man sinned. Now, man gets sick, must work to eat, will die and go to hell. Know what’s another feature? He will always be under the power of his corrupted flesh. He will always sin. Brangelina can always give to charity and adopt helpless children but they still live in sin. (Sorry guys, but you gotta repent!)

Check out your dusty-to-the-max Bible. God wanted to rule over His people. But what did man want? “I want a king! A human king! I want a king to rule over me!” Thus, God gave man a human government. A government with a motto of: fail and fail until you’re kicked out! God donned flesh to rule over His people, wanting to give them righteousness, peace and joy. But what did humans cry out for? “We want a rich human king decked in silky robes and powerful arms to deliver us from these Romans–not that carpenter of Nazareth!” Thus, it was your loss, kiddo.

So what’s my stand? I’m not pro- or anti-Gloria. Neutral? Nah. I’ll simply give her my respect because she’s in position. “Honor the king”, as our beloved apostle said. Yep! The king who was known to be cruel to the apostles. Crazy? Godly. I’ll let you yell “resign” all you want and wait for you to yell again in a few years for your “next one” to resign. Ain’t it funny? Why not take my advice? Conquer the flesh that makes you sin. How, Mr. Nurse? Well, the Bible says: (1) Repent of your sins, (2) Be baptized in the name of Jesus and (3) Receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Only then can you receive the power over sin. So scram, kid, and sign up for the best experience of your life!

Oh! Remember the student who asked me? He repented, got the Holy Spirit as evidenced by speaking in other tongues and got baptized in the name of Jesus. It was a joy to see him dancing and jumping like crazy for God!

Gloria resign? I got a better idea: Dear reader, RESIGN FROM SIN!

The Great Wall Of… L.A.?!

Surprise!

 

Pau Gasol is shipped into Los Angeles and we’re all surprised, aren’t we? We were like, “are you kidding me?” or “you can’t be serious!” Even NBA coaches couldn’t believe this latest transaction between the Lakers and the Grizzlies. The Lakers (finally a wise decision…whew!) got Gasol from Memphis in exchange for Kwame Brown (considered to be the lousiest #1 draft pick), Javaris Crittenton (a promising player but not of the present world), and two first round picks (which most probably slouch down to the 20ths as the Lakers’ rise is anticipated). Tinseltown is clearly on the winning end while Graceland is on the “better luck next time” phase.

 

I’ve never been a fan of the Lakers but I’m a fan of the 7’0’’ Spanish sensation. He’s an effective low post scorer, rebounder and defender with a good touch, a decent dribble and a well-known high basketball I.Q. Of course, he’s no Tim Duncan but he’ll readily show up on the top 10. He’s got the type of personality that will complement Kobe’s leadership. He’d probably remind Phil Jackson of Toni Kukoc’s aura.

 

Now, when the Lakers take the floor, you’d see the muscle-sporting, experienced Derek Fisher running the point at 6’2”, the NBA’s current best player in the 6’6” Black Mamba, a lengthy, versatile player in the 6’10” Lamar Odom, Pau Gasol at 7’0” and a rising monster in 7’0” or 7’1” Andrew Bynum. It’s like the Great Wall of China you’re going against when you’re talking of length from Kobe and up. Other coaches are now starting to think how to match up against the Lakers’ height. And let’s not forget the skills that go with the height. Are you, Western Conference guys, ready to say big four now? San Antonio, Phoenix and Dallas will no longer hold the spotlight to their own arenas.

 Where will this move take the team? I’m guessing up to the Conference Finals. San Antonio has still the upper hand when it comes to experience. Los Angeles, however, has the tools. It all comes down to the execution and the involvement of the reserves. The Spurs got a good move out of Memphis, too—Damon Stoudamire—and add to that a good cast on the bench. L.A.’s got to think about that. But who knows? They say the ball is round. Good luck to my good friend Marlon “OM” Villa… Hey Pau! You gotta shave, man. You ain’t a grizzly anymore.

Boston’s Different Tea Party (And The Spurs)

How good is this team? They converted me into a fan.

Celtics for years have been a “who” in the basketball world for the past several years. Yes, we respect the old times when it has been Cousy, Russell, Cowens, Havlicek, McHale and Bird. No team is good enough to threaten their string of championships. But after Larry Bird, the bright spots were simply Paul Pierce and Antoine Walker. They made an impact but never good enough to conquer the conference finals. To my knowledge, they never got higher than 49 wins during the regular season.

Fast forward. Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen came to town and got the world excited. At the beginning of the season, I was like, “Wow. This is a serious contender.” Both of the new additions are superstars with bad back-ups from former teams. And now that there are three of them to make up the Celtic’s core, the foundation’s robust enough. They’ve got an agile slasher and a good enough shooter in Paul Pierce, a quick releasing, ruthless shooter in Ray Allen and a versatile power forward in the Big Ticket. Mighty fine, huh?

My first question was: who’s at the point? If there’s a little less than a Jason Kidd, it’s a sigh of relief. Rajon Rondo? Offensively, good. But that’s not what I think this team needs. I want to see a guard who’ll pace the show and defend big time. I want him dishin’, stealin’ and stoppin’ opponents’ point guards. I’m giving him allowance though. He’s a newbie with a lot to learn. But as a good player, he must improve. One boring morning, I tried to match the present Celtics against the Spurs—my dream finals match-up. I left the playing controls of both teams to the computer. It was a real good match up. It the kind you want to see in the Finals. At the end of the game, Boston won. Guess who made the difference? Rondo. Garnett and Duncan went at each other. Bowen has his focus on Pierce, while Manu and Ray-Ray having a shooting and cutting contest. This left the Parker-Rondo match-up. Of course, you’d give the salute to the 2007 Finals MVP Tony Parker. His quickness and speed ratings are both 99, Rondo’s are 80s. But Rondo stayed in front of him most of the time. He was also passin’ the ball well to the big three. You could say that was in the computer. But, hear me, what’s stopping him from that feat? He’s young, lithe and skilled. He’s got the perfect height, too.

I must not forget another key: Ray Allen versus Manu Ginobili. Manu is good on both ends of the court. It’s my guess that James Posey would be assigned to be all over him. But what if Ray’s on the court? He’s got to play tight defense and he’s got to have quick feet. Let’s not forget: Ray Allen, when he was with the Seattle Supersonics last 2005, torched the Spurs in two playoff games that made their battle a series. They lost the series but his performance in those two games is worth mentioning. Now he has Garnett and Pierce. Together, they form the Big Win-Hungry Three.

Yeah, I know what’s on your mind. When we start talking about the Boston-San Antonio header, the depth of the bench issue surfaces. Spurs has this aspect to their advantage. They have Big Shot Rob Horry, Brent Barry, Michael Finley and Fabricio Oberto who brings goodies to a full table. Celtics has Big Baby Davis, Eddie House and James Posey to count on. They can match but not well enough in my opinion. Trades? Yes, I’d agree to that. But they’d better make wise choices. Or, the Celtics bench must prove themselves—or better yet—improve themselves. Glen Davis and Tony Allen had breakout performances. Posey and House contributes. But consistency is the factor here. That’s were the coaches come in.

Motivation and strategies—the headlines of coaching papers. Doc Rivers no Pop but he’s collecting wins, too. This head-to-head I leave to them though. Aside from their résumé, do we really know what’s on their minds at this moment? Improve this, dump that, and all those thoughts. It’s in the map of their minds.

Let’s go to the statistics.

Scoring. Paul Pierce leads the team with 21.2, followed by Kevin Garnett (19.2) and Ray Allen (18). I want to see them in 20s. The rest of the team is in single digits. I want to see at least 2 in 10s.

Rebounds. Kevin Garnett leads the green and white with 10.0 followed by Pierce and Perkins at 5.7 each. Wait a minute. Kendrick Perkins the center? Whoa! ‘got to show me double digits in that category, man!

Assists. Rondo’s got 5, Pierce has 4.9 and Garnett has 3.6. Rajon must strive to get at least 8 a night. Doc, help him!

Defensive Stats. They have good defense and, as far as that category is concerned, they place higher than San Antonio. Top Ten guys. Eyes on the prize!

The Boston Celtics are for real. Let’s stop fussin’ about that. It has become a fact. But the next stop is the playoffs. I’d say they can take it to the top but they have to beat San Antonio, which arguably is the best team (plus numerous finals appearances). Celtics got ‘em tools—but they have to be consistent and show progress as a team.

 I believe in the green and white. Not just because I’m a La Sallian but the newest Celtic fan.

Crescent Healthcare New York Scam

Few minutes past 12:00 noon. Last quarter of 2007.

Catching myself a bus ride to my Makati apartment after work, I received an interesting text message. It came from csoft.co.uk as automatically identified by my phone. It stated there Paolo, please check your email regarding you employment process and reply back urgently to crescent_healthcare_usa@yahoo.com. Fax 1-646-390-1373 Crescent Healthcare NY USA.

Oh wow. It’s a big break for a tired E*Trade rep itching to have some well-deserved rest. Can you imagine that? A US-based agency’s sending SMS directly to my phone! It’s silly. Yeah. But, for a licensed nurse who can barely survive in the Philippines’ financial district, it sounds like lovely music to the ears. As sweet as it was, however, I had my initial feeling of doubt at that point. Did I see yahoo.com? Institutions of this sort usually have their e-mail addresses connected to their website address i.e. info@***health.com. I gave that some thought but I told myself, “Let it go. It’s a chance after all.” So I did with some reluctance. After reading the message thrice, I called my girlfriend and asked her to check my mail. By weekend, she handed me two sheets of paper containing Crescent NY’s message. Here’s a part:

 Dear Paolo, 

This is with reference to your application seeking a position in Nursing Service and we thank you for your interest in our company!  We are always looking for motivated and career oriented professionals to join our team and contribute to our continued growth and success. Crescent Healthcare offers a positive, professional and award winning work environment where our team members are recognized for their contributions. We are recruiting and processing nurses, pharmacists and other hospital staff for various positions in Hospitals throughout the United States. To enable us to consider your application for a suitable job you are advised to send the following documents through email attachments or by fax and then to our New York office by courier service and we will let you know of your eligibility for a suitable position in Nursing service. 

Documents Required for your Employment Visa & Green Card Process

(1) Copy of RN License from your country

(2) Copy of birth certificate

(3) Copy of passport

(4) Copy of marriage certificate (if married)

(5) Copy of your Diplomas/Degrees of Nursing Education

(6) High School Diploma/Certificate with the dates of graduation and years attended

(7) Copy of CGFNS Certificate or Passing score report from NCLEX-RN exam (if available otherwise we will arrange your exam registration & preparation)

(8) Your full resume of current work experience with past work experience certificates with three professional references/certificates

(9) TOEFL or IELTS and TSE Certificate (or certificates from other English test if available otherwise we will arrange your exam registration & preparation)

(10)Eight recent photographs passport style photographs taken within the current year) 

We would also like to inform you that as a valued member of Crescent Healthcare you will have the privilege to experience most challenging and exuberant work environment offering promising rewards. Excellent benefits package may include competitive salary and free of cost housing, health and dental plans, paid vacation, extended sick leave, medical care, life insurance, short and long term disability plans, 401(k) pension plan. You will be glad to learn that your travel and housing is absolutely supported by us. In addition, the Management will provide you all necessary training, orientation, & study materials and assistance to prepare you for this job and Visa Screen.  Moreover, we will also arrange for your work visa (preferably green card) provided you fulfill all the pre-requisites and comply with the contract terms and instructions, confirming your long term commitment with us. To facilitate a prompt review and verification process of your credentials, you need to send a complete set of your testimonials and copy of passport through fax or email attachments.  We operate nationwide and place nurses, pharmacists and other hospital staff throughout the United States. This job offer is valid for our Group of Hospitals located in the United States and the Management will apply its best discretion while placing your services at any of these hospitals based on your meeting with the eligibility requirements, your past work experience and our staffing needs In case you have any question regarding this job opportunity and benefit package, please feel free to contact us by phone, fax or e-mail. We look forward to receiving your documents as soon as possible.  Thank you once again for your interest in our employment.  

With best wishes,

Yours sincerely, 

D. Scoville

Director, HRM Crescent Healthcare

110 Wall Street, 11th Floor, New York , NY 10005 USA ,

Phone: 212-709-8182 Fax: 1-646-390-1373  email:crescent_healthcare_ny@usa.com crescent_healthcare_ny@yahoo.com

Not the type of professionalism I expected especially with the D. Scoville thing but I guess it’s some undergrad clerk typing it all up for the company. So I allowed that to pass. My girlfriend though has some questions. She e-mailed them asking them about what particularly would they want to be sent first—the testimonials part or the detailed ones, what to do in case we get married in the middle of the processing, etc. We got promising responses and I decided to continue communication with them. I am somehow nearly convinced of their offers until this message came as an answer to my question about what support will their give my girlfriend:

 We can bring her to the United States as we told you repeatedly but you must send your signed employment contract and all credentials. If you want to take her with you while traveling first time to the United States, we will be able to get her a visitor visa valid for six months renewable for another six months but in the meantime we will petition her for a permanent visa (fiancée or wife either way) when you get married.  We are willing to provide you all possible help and assistance but you must follow our instructions and procedures for timely process of your employment. 

It seems they’re so willing to negotiate at great lengths. Yes, I’m an NCLEX-RN passer and I have an impressive résumé. But I never heard of an agency that’s willing to stretch its normal boundaries for clients. It gave me doubts again. 

I didn’t know that my Crescent hopes exploded with the fireworks. After conducting a Bible study at a place called Dalahican, I went with my girlfriend to an internet café. While she was rushing a lousy clerk for the photocopying of her book, I logged online. Doubts subtly bugged my mind so I decided to check on Crescent’s website. I typed in Crescent Healthcare. Up came a site that’s different from the one I saw before. I checked their locations and saw that they have several but only within California and Florida. I reckoned that probably the one in New York was their corporate office and it wasn’t made available in cases of pesky compliance. I returned to the search engine’s homepage and typed in Crescent Healthcare New York. I clicked on one hyperlink and it led me to the website that I have opened before. This time I decided to scrutinize it. No logo of Crescent Healthcare was posted unlike in the site I opened minutes before. It has pictures of its supposedly New York office but the shots seem to be copied from the internet and it didn’t look like it’s some staffing office. It looked like some typical Wall Street façade. At its side column, it posted some features of the agency. I presume it wants to slap into your face the things they can offer you. One of its claimed offerings said A bit smarter healthcare professional. I was like, “What?!” A bit smarter?! What kind of company offers you that? No, it can’t pass for being simply realistic. Not even a struggling institution will state that in its page. It’s stupidity at its April 1^st parade. Here’s one final blow: the website presents itself like wonderland for teens. It does not appear like a website for professionals. See for yourself: http://www.crescent-usa.com/index.htm

How stupid can I be? I didn’t see these proofs before. I decided to dig further after my brief investigation. I searched for forums or blogs that say something about the aforementioned institution and (surprise!) I discovered a lot of inquiries about its legitimacy, complaints after being swindled and information about this certain scam. Man! I was a few steps away from sending my papers! I wouldn’t send placement money, of course, but sending documents to the United States still cost some hard-earned pesos. I found out though that there are some people who bit a piece of this $2000- or sometimes $4000-worth rotten pizza and got conned. Whew! It’s disappointing to lose a prospect but it’s a surefire relief to save my fanny from confidence games.

The puzzle pieces were complete and in place by that moment. Yeah, you can say it’s the moment of truth. I’m glad I’m not on the losing end. I feel sorry for those who got ripped off and it’s easily the reason why I’m writing this entry. Guys, let’s be extra careful. Scrutinize, scrutinize, scrutinize. I hope this helps.

 Let me get this clear: Crescent Healthcare, with its offices around California and Florida is a legitimate institution. I have nothing against them and this blog entry is not directed to them. Crescent Healthcare New York though is non-existent and a fraud. It’s awful for their business that their name is used but it’s up to you guys to establish the distinction in your minds and trust the original one.

Happy New Year!

Sorry, I’m late.

            2007 has been a huge year for me. I passed my $2500, all-expense-inclusive NCLEX-RN Exam and, again, the local board exam (CGFNS and BON guys: See? I told you I passed it fair and square the first time!). My relationship with my current girlfriend became official last May. Also, I got to work at the not-so-perfect-(payroll for mah bros, baby!) but-one-of-the-better companies: Access Worldwide. I even got myself tangled in the lines of E*Trade Financial’s late bear slide. That was suffering plus excitement rejuvenated! Why is that any good? I’m a nurse not a financial kid and yet I got to be a business saver there! I got new friends from that place (which is a good thing, of course) before I left for Lucena (which is another good thing!), “the slow motion town”. I also got to have new outlets for my creativity: eager young people in the church. Man, they’re a workforce! All in all, I have Jesus to thank for such a tremendous year. I couldn’t have done it by myself.

            Err… 2008, welcome! (One, two, three… Ten fingers! Complete, sir! Haha!) I anticipate this to be a bigger year than 2007. It’s my shot for jobs in local and American hospitals. It’s also the launching year of the programs I pushed for my team of young people, the Red Champs. 40 Days of Focus: Revival, Deuteronomy 8:3 Drive, The First Step Challenge and the Champs Care programs are all set to fire up the first and second quarters of this year. I also got assigned to become an assistant teacher to the New Converts’ Class and probably a spot for the Outreach Department. You see, when somebody gives me a stage and walks my talk, that’s big for me. I’m also set to complete my Fascination With A Better Garden Series. And well, my NBA team is still winning! Say what you want but the Boston Celtics are on a roll! Bigger than the winning stretch though (I want them to lose 11 games to retain the Bulls’ 72-10 record) is my dream match-up of Celtics versus Spurs in the Finals. My girlfriend is an avid San Antonio fan and it would be exciting to be rooting for different teams in the championship round. Go Gang Green!

 

I’ve said a lot of things and lemme dedicate this space for these thank yous or this entry won’t be complete:  

To Jesus-I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you for using a lot of people to help me out. My greatest love is you.

 To Sui-It’s been a tough year for us. But hey—we’re so fortunate—we have each other all the time! Thanks for the love, support and inspiration. This is no easy road (The enemy’s throwing mud pies! Goodness!) with the pressure rising up all the time but you’re enough encouragement to stand strong.  I love you! 

To Nanay and Tita Betz-thanks for being such wonderful parents and for the support you never ceased to extend throughout the years. ‘hope you’ll understand the real reason why I’m away from home. I love you both! 

To Wry-hey sis—you’re a big girl now, aye? Now I have to kick ‘em boys’ backsides! Thanks for your loyalty to me, sis. That’s your greatest trait. I’m proud of you.

 To Pastor Jun and Mama Ela-thanks for accommodating me like real family. I can’t be more fortunate. Thanks for your love—the key reason why we have good chemistry inside the household. 

To Marky and Kuliws-you’re the brothers I never had. Thanks for the friendship that started this wonderful craze and for you’re generosity. 

To Shane-thanks for being a real sis!

To the rest of the Vasquez, Mendoza, Gabinete and the good slice of Alivio family-thanks for the warm welcomes. 

To the Lucena Church-you mean much to me. The chance you’ve given me is much appreciated. 

To the Venstraphiles-‘miss the pizzas, bros! Thanks for the friendship and the kakulitan. See you soon. 

To the Juan Parliament-Tang, where in the world are you? ‘Mund, you are bonakid! You’re a genius, man! To everyone, you’ve all grown up, huh? I miss you… Thanks for the lasting chemistry and friendship. 

To the BSN 4A 2006-‘miss ya fellows. Thanks for the fun and the teamwork we’ve shared. 

To Bespren and Kas-thanks for the kind of friendship that never dies albeit we’re miles apart. I know I can always count on you. 

To Marlon-Hey, dude! Thanks for the friendship, man—and the treats! You are Access’ future—I’m tellin’ ya! Do your best, man. I will criticize you ruthlessly if you ain’t promoted to TL this year. Au revoir! Take care!

 To TL John-please have a single girlfriend or they’ll break your neck! Haha! Somebody’s tellin’ that it’s a different somebody all the time! What the? Haha! ‘just playin’, TL. Thanks—you’ve been real kind to me and you’re still the best fashionista-machoman-supervisor there is. Or is it you alone in that category? Hehe. 

To Danilleh (Dan made me think you’re gay)-give up thinking ‘bout your ex or was it just air? Haha! Thanks for being open and for accepting my trash. You can do it! Laugh with your trade mark laugh. 

To Emmy-I don’t think you look like an angel with that hair. Change it puh-lease! Haha! Kiddin… Come on… ‘Wag pikon… Thanks for the jolly jeep walks. 

To Burt-go for Jeleen, man! Haha! Thanks for the laughs.

 To Abby and Sierma-thanks for helping me survive guys! I couldn’t have done it without you! 

To Kix-don’t give up on TL! Haha! Thanks for the compliments on my side view shot!

To Dee-I’ll never forget the foodie! Thanks!

To the rest of the Royalty Units-I miss you guys and thanks for the company.

 Daddy Nelson-you’ve turned the statement upside down, man! The truth is—you’re the better writer but I’m better looking than you are at all counts! Thanks for reviving my writing hunger. 

To Wave 30-thanks for the friendship and the memories guys… “Seriously…” 

To anyone I might have forgotten about-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. But thanks for who you are to me and my life. Basta!

            What is the most personal thing I have for myself? Project Turnaround. It’s a program I set to cater to areas where I need to give my special attention to: Productivity, Papers, Prayer Life, Partner and Parents. It may seem silly setting a program for my own self but, being a streak shooter, not having plans is synonymous to a year of failure. If I start lousy, then it’s a lousy run. If I have a great start, then expect fireworks behind my name. I’m not “Everybody Loves Raymond”, you know, so victories should pile up for me to weigh heavier than the lawsuit stage drama that my dunno-what-they-want malicious critics are setting up.

            How about you guys? A new year’s a new chance. Rev yourself up! 2007 was bad for you? Encourage yourself. Don’t wait for a friend to come by and give you a back rub. For all I know, if you don’t start within yourself, then the only marks he or she will leave is a Grauman’s Chinese Theater imprint of money-smelling dirt on your shirt. Dwyane Wade’s Converse slogan says Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight. And that’s Biblical, too. Proverbs 24:16 states: For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again… Rise up. I believe it’s my year, it’s the church’s year and it can be your year. HAPPY NEW YEAR, BUDDY. GOD BLESS YOU!

 

Yuck

What an upheaval!

My potent rival

I’ve ne’er defeated

Now so ill-fated

What am I to say?

You were such a man

Whose wits I’m a fan

Yet I aimed to beat,

Dethrone from your seat

Why go down this way?

I’ve never outshone—

You—never outgrown

But a stain of shame

You’ve smeared on your name

Is this how you pay?

You’ve had your glory

Now you look gory

Unbelievable…

Unmistakable…

‘You know how to pray?

My former doubts

Is what truth now shouts

But, so I won’t miss,

I should ask you this:

(Yuck, Man…) Are you…?!

*Written after I had a shocking discovery about my former classmate and one-time friend.

Favors From The Clouds

Precious eyes, shun the heavens’ landscape!

Banks of clouds tell an august story

Yet beauty cloys, brings a teary drape…

Why confuse me, troubled ivory?

My sight—cerulean can’t escape!

Prove there’s better use for such glory…

Wait! Please turn not into thunderheads!

Remorse dawns, my countenance ashens…

My soul’s abandoned as futile shreds—

Remnants of misery’s virulence;

Heed my plea from your mercy’s bedsteads!

Defy Foehn’s clout and take no offense…

Troops of mackerel scales and mares’ tails—

Apologies to your pearl-bleached core…

‘Embittered against sunshiny sails

Love—I chased and failed—left me ashore

Cast not gloom on me amidst these gales,

But these hopeless favors I implore…

Don’t obfuscate nor illume my face

For meaningless tearstains form a peeve

Fly not to the dreams of my frail race:

Cloud-cuckoo-land—world of make-believe!

Routed pain’s naught if care’s void of trace,

If blood of magnolia’s doused my sleeve

Take my thoughts, fleecy wisps and balls,

To the one it drains the hourglass for

Rain clouds—unleash your fury with squalls

To her drawn heart’s disquieted door!

Into the eyes of frosted glass’ palls—

Break my state of mind like a downpour!

Am I ranting? ‘Tis nauseating!

‘Sickened by her skies of white blankets

Veil my impetus from this hurting

Remorse peaks! Favors fair—not russets!

Enclose her with fondness I’m saving

Dance my warmth ‘round her castle’s turrets

I bleed yet I yearn! Oh clouds, favor!

My acumen—leaden, overcast—

Trounced by the most indignant fervor…

Will you come back with your silver mast?

Let me touch her skin the next shower?

Save her from remorse for I won’t last…

*It’s just I poem I made from an imagined emotion. It’s never my own emotion at any time. It’s my wish that you, my reader, won’t feel this awful.

Impending Doom

Sitting on a wooden bench, I recall

The gazillions I’ve devoured for my fall

Restless yet afebrile

Trouble’s way past my bile

 

 

My bowels lurch in agony of fear

My sweat’s like trickling pearls as doom draws near

I need a place to hide 

I’d never risk my pride

 

 

Distraction’s feckless in freeing my mind

Foolishly dreaming of the tasty kind:

Extra crispy French fries

Meat-laden pizza pies

 

 

Run like a coward! Gallop like a mare!

Signal’s out—that inevitable air!

Corn kernel residue

Will show up where it’s due

 

 

I’ll take my seat on the ceramic throne

To grimace and disgust, I’ll make you prone

Aroma of disease

Hotdogs on my feces

What’s Missing

Rain pours down on buds that long for sunshine

Like wishful tears of soon-blossoms so fine

Do you think they revel in the shower?

Or is it warmth that’s missed by each flower?

While nature minds her own gloomy matters—

Her arduous work ‘til darkness shatters,

All it takes is a seat by my window

For all my lonely emotions to grow

I’m lost in this stormy night while you’re far

‘Revealed by clouds as a desolate star

I watch the world turn their drama on me

Each one misses one—it’s for us to see

Though miles apart, we both may even spot

Crying birds when winds leave their young to rot,

See turnip beds miss some heavenly grace—

That the tempest will not erase their face

Empty twigs like my side’s space, you’re seeing,

But should you ever ask me what’s missing:

As drenched leaves lack the mild caress of dew,

My love, what’s missing beside me is you

As lofty trees lose sight in driving rain,

I can’t see your smile… I yearn but in vain…

Like when creatures wish for an endless blue,

Sui, what’s missing before my eyes is you

Scenes outside my window make my mind roam

What’s missing? My inspiration, my home…

How to appease my heart? I have no clue…

Because all I’m ever missing is you.

 I miss you so much, Maloy ko…

Part VI: Laurels Of Love

“If happiness had a mortal face,

Then it should be the ravishing kind;

If it has loved in its earthly days,

‘Tis my countenance its frame would bind.”

Obvious pleasure consumed Hellas’ child

But his poem can’t contain his bliss;

He writes the next lines on air so mild

His rich laughter—history can’t miss!

The prince of Thessaly stopped to smile

At the scenic garden he’s held dear

Her enchanting beauty spreads with style—

Her poetry he can softly hear!

“Inland sea winds may carry my blades

And mountain floods may erode my grains;

Years may pass as beauty’s mem’ry fades,

But my love for you will stay through pains.”

Her green tips race along with the breeze

And back to shadow and touch his cheek;

She sings her literature with ease—

With a voice that melts the toughest Greek

The skies witness the triumph of hearts—

Beings exchanging laurels of love:

Leaves forming inseparable parts,

Heartbeats lining—a wreath up above!

For a fighter wounded by lances,

She alone can assuage his worst aches;

For a man who, for her heart, took chances,

His laurel of love is what she makes

For Karem El’s grim sacrifices,

He showed her that red can be roses;

For a worthy soul who firmly rises,

Heaven’s grace is his sincere fondness

Her vineyards now stream with wine and oil—

Contrast to her then-bloody frontlines;

His ecstasy overflows through toil—

Beaming like he never had gash lines…

Laurels of love—fulfillment of trust

Crown of patience, delight of lovers;

For where once-troubled flints are robust,

Pines, olives and laurels are covers.

Part V: Eyes Of Saxe Blue

A callous tempest spoiled the summit

Angst hurtled with the horrid deluge

The Thessalian spawn braved to sit

On Issachar’s claim shorn of refuge

Doused and willful, he endlessly mused

O’er the better garden’s avowal

His cape of purple stained wits confused

Lone, imbued in the clouds’ betrayal

The prince’s rumination called halt

Upon the swift thuds of irate hooves

He turned cold eyes to flicks of cobalt

A striking knight—the silhouette proves!

Hellas’ poster child stood self-assured

Head-on towards a salient liege

The cavalier pulled the reins like mured,

Alighted and idled for a siege

The son of Greece saw Eyes of Saxe Blue

Eyes that bear the majesty of skies

Tinged with dismal ash that looked untrue,

And sure-footed sheen unlit by dyes!

Fear made of indigo and sulfur

Respect conceived by saintly repute

That—and more—struck the royal dreamer

And his soul settled for no dispute

Eyes of Saxe Blue, King of the North spoke:

“My garden’s emotions reached mine ear—

Not a favor will your charm provoke

For she’s too good for you, Greek who’s queer.”

The prince replied, “Oh King, with respect,

Beauty’s given to untested wills

Of those vernix-wrapped, in retrospect…

Love, too, blossoms for one of no-frills.”

“Well-said,” conceded the King. “What prince

Whose own son won’t be his by a name!”

The prince countered, “Jephunneh did mince

But his and mine—solely name’s the same.”

The King concluded, “Prince of the North—

A sagacious son I’ve found by heart!

Mine Eyes of Saxe Blue, from this day forth,

Ne’er can see you and my child apart!”

Part IV: Castles Within

Pursuit’s yonks may fleetingly elapse

Like greased thunderbolts to eager spires

But the Hellene warrior’s hymn maps

His Achilles’ heel: the garden’s tires!

His spine against her digits of greens

War-torn flesh reveling such caress

Would their aspired exchange fashion means?

For sight ain’t speech in an urbane dress…

His ōidē of relish tersely ceased

As a voice wafted through the airstream

An exemplar of an aural feast,

Font’s like a fair maiden of esteem

None espied! Is it his greensward’s voice?

“Aye, my beloved,” breathed the garden

While pines bared an accrual of joys,

Hellas’ Prince flaunted smiles beyond ken

Who won’t proudly beam while listening?

The Grecian hero grinned all the more…

Her voice—the herald of timeless spring—

The red-breasted robin of amor!

Frail mind! Relive the impossible!

Princely thoughts went flummoxed by delight

Yenned, far-flung hopes were then feasible

Love’s exhilarated—dream’s in sight!

To embrace the mount as a princess

And build his heartstrings out of her touch

Were the heir’s castles within, no less,

Which emblazoned his claymore-life’s clutch

The stunning garden’s castle within

Was to swathe him with her foliage

Of impassioned stalks, both thick and thin,

That loved him from gashes to peerage

By words’ gift, both shared soulful castles

Which appeared like but ain’t in vapor

Their staunch commitment amidst hassles—

Envoy to spheres of lifelong fervor…

The prince asked, “My castle within’s you—

What encumbrance thwarts me from thy realm?”

The garden sighed, “The Eyes of Saxe Blue—

His blessing’s my mortality’s helm.”

 

*Consider it “further inspiration”. I’ll write ’til the story of the prince and his garden is done. I’m naming it FASCINATION WITH A BETTER GARDEN series. Unlock the mystery!

Beauty Has Eyes (Sequel to A Better Garden; Part III)

The son of Hellenes, o’er Caiphas,

Tarried to feel Sycaminum’s air;

Such allure’s too momentous to pass—

Atop his better garden of flair

‘Tis been donkey’s years of pure Sundays

But mem’ry held his spirit’s daybreak

‘Stood pensive with fervidness ablaze

His return’s rationale—he can’t fake

He regarded her core knew that she’s

Too lovely for an ancient front line;

Her fealty’s lustrous—such break to seize

The verdure’s as lithe as a feline

Roses of Sharon ‘neath April’s sun

Blush at his gaze like English heathers

Yahmus in sight! A rivalry done!

A spellbinder with time in fetters

Magnificence shewed as natural

The Qishon below can’t bar his stare

Boundless scenery that’s surreal

Splendidness apt for a prince’s lair

The crowned bonce yielded to sheer wonder

Like the awed mount cedes to her headland

Dreamt of twice, ‘braced once—‘til forever!

Why let marvel go as grains of sand?

The galley’s heedful of his feelings

But is his much-loved garden sentient?

Is she conscious? Does her sight have wings?

Aye! Beauty perceives; beauty’s poignant!

The garden’s being springs from her soul

A life unmatched by northwestern gales

Sentry to the Plain of Jezreel’s hole

Castles in Spain? The mount never fails!

Beauty has eyes to see Hellas’ heart—

His devotion found on robust ground;

She’s a witness to his doting part

Eagerly heeding his heartbeat’s sound

As sharp as his inchoate saber,

Her mind’s vision cognizes hope’s wrack;

Beauty has eyes to see he loves her—

And, unstintingly, she loves him back.

Hellas’ Prince (Prequel to A Better Garden; Part I)

Neither by descent nor by sinew

Was his pate’s claim to the diadem;

The Powers’ snort was his Waterloo,

A brusque nod’s his lineage’s stem

‘Trod Thessaly’s battleground of life

Where spaces are theaters to war

Dust hardened the prince’s core of strife:

Warrior’s pluck—Orion’s shield star!

An armor of scars he proudly wore

Wounds that sneered through his fiasco’s lours

Grimace in a bit lip that talks score

‘Bred by sword, harassed by jaded hours

A pair of royal boots made of clay

Made a thousand footfalls—ne’er shadowed

‘Dons the ethereal words he’d say,

A half-done cutlass and his throne’s load

His ‘vowed vulnerable buoyancy—

Imbued in oubliettes’ muck and stench

Scrape raised by prayers his knees fancy

A soul to hoist—Lord’s presence must drench

Mêlées ne’er halt nor his entreaties

Endless warfare, pursuant desires

Weedy feuds are gauntlet grabs for peace,

Yearnings are acres of ardent fires

Odysseus cruising Poseidon’s sea

Ain’t the menschen’s verve similitude;

Bequeathed with constancy of the free,

Mayhem forms a fleeting interlude

Existence amidst pillars seem grand

But what’s splendor if bereft of heart?

Aches have decamped; affections doth stand

Yet his pining and hub stay apart…

Though monarchial dreams took a detour

And visors succumbed to goo-goo eyes,

Love’s a shade reared midmost of the moor—

Passion for none’s shriv’ling sacrifice

If fondness burgeons on a garden,

He deemed, then amor’s favored by chance;

If such garden’s a demoiselle then,

Would the Great Waters hand sweet parlance?

 

*Writing “A Better Garden” inspired me to write a prequel and a sequel to the poem. I hope you like them.

My IELTS Success: Triumph For Me, Praises For Jesus

November 17, 2006. Past 5:00 P.M.

 

Somebody called me up and narrated my IELTS score. I knew with that kind of score that I have to pound my right fist into my left chest twice then raise my right index finger up high. It’s victory, man! But call it craze that instead of such reaction, I asked her’ “What does that mean?” I simply wanted her to hit me with the “YOU PASSED!” jab. However, she obliged me with a right hook. After my brief “thankees” to my informant, I praised Jesus for the victory—well, I’m still praising Him until now actually. I was so happy! I called someone very special, told everyone at home and, at the same time, my folks are psyched enough to plan the pizza-and-ice cream-‘til-you-sit-upon-the-throne celebration.

It’s just English, people say. Yeah. If you’d tell that to the Paolo of the way past era, he could have nodded to that. But I just don’t have that type of self-confidence now. I gave my confidence to Jesus’ hands—where the best of dreams never fail. Come to think of it—the IELTS exam may seem easy but if the Lord won’t bless you, you won’t pass. See the few negative possibilities in each exam division below that could have existed if the Lord Jesus allowed them to:

 Listening. God may simply allow problems to pollute my mind that day and I’ll say bye-bye to my focus. I could have gotten sick and my ear canal could have been clogged. 

Reading. Have you ever experienced reading through a passage and then, all of a sudden, you feel like you’re lost in a foreign street? Vertigo could have made it more difficult for me. A little headache could have brewed me an incomprehensible mixture of letters.

Writing. Honestly, this part of the exam doesn’t give you enough time to think. You got to be a fast thinker. Ever heard of mental block? It could have happened to me that day and I’d have word drought. I could have experienced my usual mind-and-fingers incoordination and lose time with erasing stuff intermittently. I could have been one of the countless people mumbling unhealthy speeches because they didn’t finish their essays.

Speaking. She looked a little bit like Princess Di. But she bombarded me with “library” questions, which I’m not really interested with. I could have been annoyed and threw that part away. My tongue could have twisted and produced a ticket to the exit door.

All the aforementioned things could have happened. Jesus didn’t allow them though. And not just that—if the exam is to be likened to a battle, Jesus fought for me. I was simply there with my body as a painting where the beauty of His power can be manifested. Just like my BS Nursing days when I simply clothe myself and relinquish my controls over the fight to Jesus. I was there to push the lead across the paper and put sounds to the words popping in my mind. Jesus was there like a true father would stand by his son yet more than an earthly one—He placed the words in my mind, the confidence in my heart and the future victory in my human spirit. I promised Him all the praises, all the glory and honor after the result is released. Tell me, how then can I deprive Him of my praises?

This present world has its way of making us believe in ourselves. Hard work, determination and focus have been the popular words considered to be the keys to success. Nothing’s wrong with those words. But when you start leaning on your own strength, you’re bound to give credit to yourself. Dangerous. And to think that the years we’ve lived have numerous ways of proving human frailty. I have a better idea. Trust Jesus. Give up the remote control. Whatever He does for you, it’s for your own good. How sure am I? Completely. Why? He loves you…and me.

We should trust Him in the academic realm. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t. In I Corinthians 1:25, you’ll find: Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; the weakness of God is stronger than men. It’s plain to see that He’s far better than your very best. And you even fail at times after giving it your all. Frailty, thy name is (state your name). There’s no guarantee that you’ll always succeed by yourself alone. But with Jesus, whatever happens, you’ll always win.

Here’s one more astounding matter: the very score I asked the Lord to give me was the exact score He gave me. Exact—no more, no less. He’s so wonderful. I’m giving Him all the praises, all the glory and honor. If I’d live forever, then forever will I keep saying and doing that.

 

When I went to my agency to pick up my certificate, a person (at her 50’s maybe—no offense, ma’am…) asked me regarding my secret of getting that kind of score. I simply told her, “I prayed.”

 

You must be guessing how high is that. Nah… Don’t bother. You can forget that you weren’t invited to our abode when we attacked the 30-inch pizza and the yum-yum gallons of ice cream. You can even forget my name or this exam I’ve taken. One thing you shouldn’t forget though—Jesus did it for me. 

 

I’ll wrap this up by a verse from the Holy Bible: This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes. (Psalm 118:23)

A Better Garden

Hellas’ prince assumed no beaut exceeds

The garden cherished by Shihor’s sons;

The spirit of Thessaly’s pride bleeds

For such splendor in mind-numbing runs

To halt his royal life’s dreariness,

‘Sailed southeast to Haifa, the city;

Solely to ascertain grim distress

From the clutch of probability

On foot from Mediterranean shores,

‘Trudged ‘til the Plain of Esdraelon;

He beheld grandeur-bestowed lush floors

The glorious height—his wits can’t reckon

Basking in the landscape that printed

Its excellency in Isaiah,

Revived his gloom towards what glinted

The victor in prophet Elijah

‘Waved white, abandoned his reverie

He fled from the port’s vigilant eye

A succinct, regal oath was made free:

Tread not Jacob’s ground ‘til dusk draws nigh

He squandered his Holocene epoch

In futile efforts to spot better;

Bemusement steered him to wreak havoc

Surrogates ne’er expunged his rancor

The laurelled head employed suppression

His gaze endlessly graced his demesne

Misconstrued as renunciation,

‘Half-won in keeping his outlook sane

Bored stiff, he boarded Argo Navis

The zephyr’s clout hints a new era

Adrift with one goal as route basis,

Peneus emptied him from Óssa

 The waves granted his core armistice

‘Embraced the serenity he missed

Oft the nub of an old salt’s treatise:

Pleasure of the air he fondly kissed

The crown’s heir sensed the voyage’s end

Shrubberies laze; daybreak raids his den

He scooped some soil—‘tis Zebulun’s bend!

“Ah—still my own heart’s better garden…”

Apostolic Literati: All Because Of Jesus (WordPress-Friendly Version)

The celebration is over but the testimony still remains.

Graduating from school is a wonderful feeling that a multitude of us are blessed to get imbued in. I can also point out some literati-friends in the church that possess better entitlement in writing about scholastic success. But what makes my testimony peculiarly special is how our Lord Jesus made his dramatic entrance in my academic life and ended it more idyllically. For the very first and, perhaps, the last time I’ll ever pound on my computer keys about my testimony while in the bounds of the academe, I hope you’d be blessed and inspired as you read on.

I’ve always pushed myself to believe in my potentials. Though I don’t like Kobe Bryant at all, I’ve carried his poster motto “If you don’t believe in yourself, nobody else will” earlier in my life. And in the frail human point of view, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t—I can memorize the birds in the chart at two and, when I was in first grade, my books weren’t learning-how-to-read-well kind of books but Sidney Sheldon’s and Alex Haley’s (Sorry, we weren’t Apostolics at that time and hey—father—forgive me but this idea of yours is sheer crazy). This wondrous momentum continued on—granting me honors on all school years—and, even when we became Apostolics by fourth grade, I may thank Jesus but the “believe in yourself” thing is as stubborn as a decade-old cerumen.

One day at fifth grade, I began to see flashes of lights—aura of an impending seizure attack. Then the world seemed to turn fast forward before me and the only sidesplitting solution to it was to jerk my head towards the world’s direction. My brain then was unusually confounded that it sent mixed, frantic signals to my body. Jackpot: Brain Disorder. Don’t give me that kind of disposition on your face—just when you start thinking that it’s the peak of the true-to-life drama, think again. I was still normal by that time—and still superior on the honors list. I went to Makati from time to time to have myself checked and to undergo diagnostic tests. Then comes the second-to-the-worst part—treatment. I underwent such big time medical stuff for some time and finally, decided to stop it and let God heal me at an instant. My condition got worse. We can probably attribute it to my lack of ample faith but I’d like to think that it’s not His will at that time for what will happen next is altogether the worst part of my academia and best period of this testimony.

After getting worse, I went back to treatment. This time, my attending physician told me that because of the abrupt halt of treatment, I must return to the starting point. So I did. In the process, I had an adverse reaction that one wouldn’t find under my medicine’s section in drug handbooks yet would markedly change my outlook: I lost the tremendous memory and outstanding comprehension I was oh-so-proud of.

You can just imagine how frustrated I was. I am merely nothing (‘finally realized, huh?). There is no self-compensating means that could redeem for me what I’ve lost that time. And though I was eventually healed of the disorder, my memory was still powerless. But instead of sprawling beneath the nearby sink, I turned to the Lord Jesus with a broken heart yet with hopeful thoughts. And our ever-wondrous Lord didn’t let me down even just a bit. I didn’t drop out of the revered list. Well, it doesn’t mean I haven’t had awful days because I had a fair share of such but I didn’t quit then. I kept encouraging myself knowing that giving up would just dig me a deeper hole. I just counted on the wisdom the Lord is lending me, and the confidence that goes with it, to rise up again and again.

Come university days, bigger academic challenges presented themselves ruthlessly at my doorstep and I have to face them in a bigger stage. Graduating from the College of Nursing on our side of the world is hard because La Salle isn’t a blah-blah institution (‘hope none of the Ateneo crowd will be reading this). And excelling in that stance has been proven to be harder. Everytime I have exams or activities coming up, I praised Him in advance. And Jesus never—no, not once—embarrassed me in front of the congregation. I always had victory to thank and give Him praise for when the next Sunday sun rises.

I have read the book “Facets of Faith” and within it, the author writes a chapter entitled “Who Do You Think I Am?” Rodney Shaw, the author and assistant pastor (most probably to Rev. David K. Bernard) in Austin, narrates that his wife thinks that he is a plumber, a mechanic, an electrician, a carpenter, a craftsman, a chef, a painter, a gardener, an authority on women’s fashion who speaks his mind, and a mind reader. And his kids have a pretty good view of him, too. As far as they are concerned, he’s an excellent sportsman at all sports, a science genius, a supplier of all needs, a financier and a fixer of broken toys. He can fly a kite with no wind and can build a sand castle with dry sand. He’s Daddy—the man of the house. He further narrates that one day (“in a far away land…” stuff) he was trying to push colossal furniture into his van but it wouldn’t fit. The Sunday school storage cabinet was like a huge deformed appendage. Pedestrians walked by staring. Other drivers were impatiently eyeing his parking space, on the verge of road rage. Out of the blue, his little daughter blurted out, “You can do it, Daddy! You’re a hero!” He liked it. All of a sudden, he felt his biceps grew double in size, his chest expands, his waist shrank, his thighs bulged and all that superhero metamorphoses come to cognitive life, then with all his might, he pushed the furniture like a Myasthenia Gravis patient who just had a dose of Tensilon ™ and— big time! —It fitted right in! All that confidence made him feel pretty good but sometimes he finds it hard to perform up to their expectations. It leaves him to think sometimes: “Who do they think I am?” Jesus had asked that same question. He didn’t just think of it, he asked it. When Jesus came into the coasts of Caesarea Philippi, He asked his disciples, saying, Whom do men say that I the Son of man am? (Matthew 16:13). When your boss asks you that open-ended question, you would be very happy to oblige him. And they said, Some say thou art John the Baptist; some, Elijah; and others, Jeremiah, or one of the prophets (Matthew 16:14). According to Mr. Shaw, Jesus—in a way that only God can—had subtly disarmed the disciples by asking them that question. After they expressed the popular opinion, after they ran out of proxy answers, He asked another question: “But whom say ye that I am?” (Matthew 16:15). That’s what Jesus is asking us: “Who Do You Think I Am?” It’s a personal question that every human being must address. A single question that will drive us to either acknowledge or discredit Him. In the school realm, I’m glad I didn’t fail myself in answering that question. He is My Achiever.

And Jesus worked it out for me as I expected. Even more—I should say. The now-controversial Nursing Licensure Exam came into perspective and rough weather accompanied it. But just as the best of habits would occur, I surrendered it to Him. In my prayer, I told him I don’t need help for help is merely for a person who can still manage an ounce-much show of strength. And I fess up that I can’t do it at all without Him—not even move a finger. So I needed not help but rather, I needed Him to do it for me. I also told Him that, ”I need to pass. That’s all I ask of You. And, about all these topping-the-exam frenzy people around me are saying, it solely depends on You. If it will make me a better person, then I’d humbly accept it. If You see that it will bring me destruction along the way, then I’d rather not have it. In all these, I leave it all to Your will for me. You know what’s best for me. Out of nothing, You brought me to existence and to where I am now. If You won’t make me pass, I’ll be back to where I’m originally from—nothing will change—You’re still so good and I’m still so blessed.” The examination day arrived and 30 minutes before anyone came into our room, I was already there. I immediately felt His loving assurance as I started to walk around, pray and praise Him for what He’s about to do. Tears were welling at the back of my lids but I held them back. I know then and there that victory sits at my doorstep.

Grab the July 18, 2006 issue of the Manila Bulletin. You should see Alivio, Paolo Vasquez in there. It’s not because of my well-sharpened pencils, the hotel I stayed in or my own knowledge base. IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF JESUS. It’s not about “believing in yourself” at all. Success is about “realizing that you couldn’t do it at all and believing that Jesus can do it for you”. I’m a guy who can’t memorize then but my résumé shows what God has done for me. I’m sure you can say it loud as I also can that all the praise, credit, honor and glory belongs to Jesus.

I won’t be a hypocrite: I’m not perfect and, moreover, someone not worthy to behold. A few of you can even enumerate my mistakes especially when I tested the waters. A lot of times I’ve been conquered with a preschooler’s favorite question: Why? And I seem to regress further into a toddler and try negativism for myself. Then I find myself in a potential disaster. Repentance will then ensue. I see the beauty of it though—not being faulty—but the revelation of what Jesus wants me to realize after the mini-dark ages vanish before my eyes. It doesn’t take one to be an extraordinaire. It only takes realization that it can happen and that it would be all because of Jesus.

A modified SMS message of mine reads: “Many people think I’m wise because of what I have achieved. They’re wrong ‘cause inside me is a weak system. But behind it… is a STRONG GOD.”

Carmel Lois Was A Dream, Still A Dream And A Dream No Longer

A seemingly eternal discourse

With a rare soul judged unreachable—

‘Enough as an ethereal source

Of emotions inexplicable

Thoughts of her stayed undaunted for weeks

My heart set to love, my mind negates

Therefore, I sought solace—an ill fix—

To hold soundness in normalcy’s gates

In my steadfast hopes, I found relief

But not death of a confounding dream;

She bewildered my thoughts, bound me stiff

Hid longings were unbowed it may seem

Albeit strange, the upshot turned ‘round

‘Talked in words but heard our hearts’ sole sound

Though quite unbeknownst to each other,

The wonted exchange wafted farther

Farther than my psyche ever reasoned

With its soupçon of morose wishes;

‘Driven to be deeply impassioned,

My calloused core quit its wintriness

Now her redolence ever lingers

My wits file a portrait of her face

Her smooth hands oft felt in my fingers

The air evokes the charm of her ways

She was my dream—procured, as I’d deem

Gratification that transcends par

Sprang from desire, founded on esteem

Embellished with bliss made from afar

She is still my valued dream—ne’er quenched

Detained by outlook’s obscurity

The vilest squalls won’t leave its fire drenched

‘Tis bound by passion’s security

She is also a dream no longer—

My every day’s gist sent from above

Epochs may hastily change over

Yet eons would envision my love

Missed

Jacarandas dream of their purplish blooms

Stars are wished in places where darkness looms

Mountains cry for greens when destroyed by goons

Freeways are wants of the orbited moons

Winters make trees wish that they are not bare

The rafflesias ask for a scent that’s fair

Oases are longed in each desert square

Some fishes perhaps dream of surface air

Amidst the chaos, the world shouts for peace

Poverty hopes for a heavenly kiss

Fresh air is longed for by the urban crowd

Serenity missed in a place that’s loud

All creation have desires unattained

But to what they’ve missed, steadfast they’ve remained;

Even the world of lies dream for what’s true

So do I miss you, as much–I miss you…

Just as water is wanted bad in lands—

Cursed and dry as the Atacama sands,

Same is the torment that dwells in my heart;

You’re missed when truth sets in that we’re apart